I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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