i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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