there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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