I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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