I want to stick my p in your. b.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
