I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
