I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
