Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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