barbara walters just said penis...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize