Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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