Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
did you just send me my own nude
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
