you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
