as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
