Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
