If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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