these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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