We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
