Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
