i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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