You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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