So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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