So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
