I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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