so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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