I skipped work to stalk him.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
