my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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