Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
