dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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