just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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