I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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