Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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