oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
