I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
