The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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