my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize