i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
