These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
