my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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