funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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