i may or may not be watching the land before time
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
