I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
