I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
