My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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