sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
