He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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