i just wanna soil my oats bro
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
