You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
