I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
