Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Enjoy the penises
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
