Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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