I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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