Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I touched a dick in church today
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
