Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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