Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
