So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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