My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
