You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
we're so committed to being not committed
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
