i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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