butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
