The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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