Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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