3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
