please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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