worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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