...so i touched it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
