Screwed.edu
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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