in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
