A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
